And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give away all I have for the poor, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. (…)

Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. (…)

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

Much of this biblical passagem – St. Paul to the Corinthians – makes a lot of sense to me, so much so that it was one of the readings I chose for my wedding. The proposal is only one: love. I believe it is the beginning, the middle and the end.

I have received very positive feedback from mothers, some fathers and teachers who came to my sessions, read my book “Mães do Mundo” (“Mothers of the World”) or attended “Mom’s Rules” and I feel, for this very reason, that I should speak to you again of unconditional love.

This is, for me, and increasingly proven by families and educators, the solution that works in all occasions. Indeed, it is a daring solution, which requires courage. But it is also the straightforward, hassle-free solution. First, it works with you, for you, when you love yourself unconditionally. Then, it works with your neighbor.

When you choose love from among countless possibilities, you are putting aside what hurts you, such as anger, inflexibility, punishment, judgements…

When you interact from this place that exists within you, you are accessing healthy emotional states, thus acting through behaviors that are an example, making a difference in this world.

You are recognizing yourself, accepting yourself, saying yes to your needs, recognizing the other, accepting him/her and meeting their needs. Do you want a better filter than this?!

With the filter of unconditional love there is sharing. It is a permanent giving and receiving, without any mandatory order. You do not have to give first to harvest later. There is no first or second. There is only love. You have to solve challenges from positive emotional states, respecting your space and your limits. There is an equal value and you always, but always deserve love.

What happens then?

An unblocking! Everything gets transformed! There is empathy, vulnerability, connection, compassion…

Behavior begets behavior, therefore love begets love.

How wonderful it is that your son knows and feels, by your example, that regardless of whether he eats the whole soup or not, you love him with no conditions!

How magical it is that your partner knows and feels, by your example, that despite having forgotten your special date, you are the person of his/her life!

How smooth it is that you know and feel that, even if you have not fulfilled everything that was proposed in the work meeting for this week, your boss is still proud to have you in the team!

There are no conditions, there is only love, which is the beginning, the middle and the end. Set your heart thereon, ground your intentions therein, raise your questions therein and open yourself to affections, with truth, faith and hope. See what happens.

O conteúdo The beginning, the middle and the end aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

And I’m right now, on my way to UCSC, for the second consecutive year. The energy that it’s felt is incomparable, the exchange with the co-authors of NLP, with the mother of NLP – Judith DeLozier with Robert Dilts and other members and trainers of NLPU, from dozens of different nationalities, is indescribably generative, it is taught and practiced third generation NLP, and almost fourth generation.

Here, there is space for individual growth supported by the collective, without judgements, without prejudices, without demands and rules based on limiting beliefs. Here, each BEING is unique and with its own light, it exists because it deserves it, it shines and has a mission that is being fulfilled. There is space for vulnerability. It is the harmonious symmetry between soul and ego. And it’s also the confidence that we’re working and evolving in our best version.

And it’s no surprise that the field has this energy. This college is based on a democracy that encourages the community towards a strong feeling of belonging and engagement. The vision of this college is of a place where students feel happy, can be creative and work in community and individually.

Today Kresge College is named Carl Rogers College. The humanist psychologist that has been modelled by NLP. The same that made Kresge College a case study, in a groundbreaking academic experiment where it was possible to create a community across university boarders, as Grinder describes in the book “Origins”

And it’s also in Carl Rogers that most of the Parenting with NLP practices are based on. Being one of them:

Unconditional Love versus Conditional Love

Rogers believed that people know what is good for them and they can find what they need in nature and family. I also believe that exists, in each of us, an element that knows what is best. I mention that on my book “Mothers of the World” – NLP at the service of education with ethics. The difficulty, according to Rogers, arises when society and culture develop mechanisms that counter those potentially harmonious relationships.

And among the most harmful is what he calls “conditional appreciation”. In other words, Conditional Love!

When family, school, society only fulfill the needs of a child or an adult if they prove they’re worthy. Is what happens in traditional parenting, when parents reward the “good” behavior with love and punish children when they show behaviors the parents consider “bad”. For example, when they get a sweet if they eat the soup and no PlayStation if they won’t eat.

Children that live in this kind of environment become slaves of compliments, rewards and prizes. They inevitably become egocentrics. Now, when the other, that so many times is your child, feels he has equal value, equal dignity, when his needs, wishes, ideas and emotions have equal value,
when he feels that he exists, he is seen, listen to, that he is respected and acknowledged – he’s facing Unconditional Love.

This child or adult will grow up and live with self-esteem, he will feel that he is much more than his behavior and that behavior is always the best he can and know at each moment! This is Parenting with NLP.

Now, I will keep on living on Unconditional Love and immerse myself in new sensations, emotions and knowledge, the result of modeling world leaders of excellency. I invite you to follow me on Instagram and Facebook.

In the meantime, if it’s your case, I wish you highly generative holidays and life, and filled with Unconditional Love.

With love and gratitude,

Rita

O conteúdo NLP and Unconditional Love versus Conditional Love aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

Just another detail: stop competing to be the best mother in the world, that’s a myth and drains your energy!

You already know that besides investigating, I also practice Parenting with NLP. It’s a Parenting that lives of consciousness, of expansion, of connection, of equal value, equal dignity and of freedom with responsability. Today, I share with you eight practices for you to settle what mother are you, after all?!

Your vision will be clear when you will be able to look into your heart. Who looks to the outsider dreams. Who looks to the inside, awakes.
Carl Jung

Ready?

1. Inspiration

Move accordingly with your intentions and values. They’re your lanterns. Act accordingly to what makes sense to you and what you believe, genuinely. The path is from the soul to the heart and from there to the brain!

2. Responsability

In 90% of my coaching appointments with NLP I hear: “Rita, but there are no limits, no rules?”. Yes, there are. And they exist not only from you, but also from your child’s part.

Act with responsibility, with the transforming energy of “yes”, of presence. And next time you answer “no” to your child, ask yourself: “Am I saying no because it’s easier to me? Because it allows me to be in control and not be bother? What is my inner motivation? That no fit my ego or my child?”.

3. Breathe deeply

When you scream once (or many times) you’re releasing anger (there’s something haunting you’re inner child). Do you really believe that anger allows you to connect with your child? You will only attract fear, distance and the destruction of the trust your child has on you.

Replace the screams with pauses and deep breaths! Slow down and remember that what at first sight may seem like a mistake, it’s only feedback!

4. Emotions

Are meant to be lived! The majority of the problems of this world are due to our inability to feel our emotions. They frighten us! What´s the reaction? Running from or fighting them! Allow yourself to experience your emotions, they are the alchemical fire and teach your child to do the same. When we learn to deal with unpleasant feelings, everything changes.

5. Honour yourself

If you’re not good with yourself, you’re not good with your child! Honour yourself! It is the most effective and transforming tool you have at your disposal as a woman and a mother. Invest in yourself, in your essence and in your basic needs. Otherwise, your child will grow up believing he shouldn´t take care of himself.

6. You’re enough

A lot of mothers carry an overwhelming guilt from believing that they can do so much more besides the Herculean effort they already do. Free yourself from that guilt! You can only do what you do, in each moment. And everything it’s fine!

7. Presence

It only means to be here and now, to your child. All of your being! Body, mind and soul. It means zero mobiles, zero Facebook, zero Instagram… Wherever you are, you really are with your child, enjoying the happiness of him being who he is, exactly as he is! Live one moment at a time.

8. No judgements

How many times a day you self-judge? And your child? Unconsciously and with the best of intentions you may be comparing him with other children, for example. This way he ends up being someone he isn’t. The judgement ashames him and disconnects him from himself and from you. Love him unconditionally, accepting him exactly as he is and pay attention to your language.

What mother are you, after all?

If you still have doubts, you can always take this test. Whatever is the answer, I know you ARE much more than that! And you know it too.

O conteúdo What mother are you, after all? aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

Being my daughters Venezuelans (one by birth) we keep close ties with that immensely big country.

And that’s how I got to the CEO of Google Mexico, the also Venezuelan Maria Teresa Arnal that has participated, last March in the #4womenforum.

The speaker chose the subject: “Leading a company and raising a family “.

During her presentation, María announced the seven steps for female success.

Interestingly to feel that I already practice them for so long and that they meet the teachings of one of the inspiring women of my mission – Virgínia Satir.

In her declaration of self-esteem, Satir speaks masterfully about the difference that makes the difference.

Before I share with you what are the Google steps, I just want to remember that: “success” is one of the many words that we all use and accept without questioning. They are words lacking substance.

It’s level of abstraction allows that every person gives it the meaning he/she wishes. In NLP, they are part of the linguistic patterns called “nominalisms”.

Now yes, seven steps for female success:

1 – Know  yourself

First of all, you should put aside the expectations of others about you. Establish who you are, who you want to be, what life you want to live and where you want to get to!

Always remember: you’re the only guide of your life! And, this is something we work on so much in my coaching sessions with NLP for women.

2 – Surround yourself of those who make you grow

Have you heard of toxic people? Stay away! Have nearby people that you connect with, that motivates you and, that are, themselves, responsible of successful stories

3 – Find a job that aligns with your life

You want to travel and know the world? You can see yourself through this dream? You want a quiet life that allows you to be a mother and a CEO simultaneously?

You can also see yourself through this dream? In which company would you like to work? There’s the essence of what you want to do.

4 – Build your support network

This goes from superiors to friends, family, partner, people who help you at home.

The goal is that they are people you trust and that support you at any moment, whether they ‘re happy moments or the most critical ones.

5 – Learn to prioritize

It’s important that you have time for yourself and that it reflects in your schedule. What’s the % of time you devote to your job?

What’s the % that you devote to your family? To your friends? To your hobbies? Include in the list the activities that you don’t have time for and think.

6 – No pain, no gain

Remember that sacrifice is part of the game! You must be conscious of it and of what you’re willing to do for it.

And when you make a choice that involves sacrifice, keep in mind that it will bring rewards with it.

Here I had a detail that makes all the difference: pain exists, it push us further, suffering is optional.

7 – Give more to the World

Don’t forget that is always someone you can do more for. To María Teresa Arnal is important to remember that “that is a special place in hell for the women who were horrible to other women.”

I don’t know if that is so, I just know that accordingly with my world model, I’m happy “doing well without regards”.

Probably you’re realizing you already practice several of these seven steps for female success. And how good it is.

O conteúdo Seven steps for female success aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me.

By so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts.

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know, but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles, and for ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time, is authentically me.

If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded.

I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.

I am me and… I AM OKAY.

Virgínia Satir

O conteúdo My declaration of Self-Esteem aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.