Traditional forms of educations have failed. Now, we need to make a serious, conscious and in-depth reflection on what our intentions as parents and educators are, and what resources we really want to use to reach the answers that will enable us to create a harmonious, responsible and sustainable future for the humanity.

Parenting that starts with NLP and progresses to NLP & Generative

When I launched this new parenting proposal, I lovingly called it Parenting with NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). When I completed my certification as NLP Trainer and Consultant, and later in Generative Coaching, I felt that, just like me, this parenting went one level up, and should therefore be renamed – NLP & Generative Parenting. As Robert Dilts tells us, the generative part of this work arises from creativity, from creating something totally new, something that did not exist before.

“I raised my children, with my wife, using Neuro-Linguistic Programming (PNL) a lot”
Robert Dilts

The co-creator of Generative Work – Generative Coaching and Generative Consulting – recalls that: “the generative part in parenting, in families, is extraordinarily decisive. When we try to get somewhere that is unknown, even if other parents have gone through something similar, we create a unique new path that requires very specific tools and practices.” Robert Dilts assures that “this is, most likely, the most important field for introducing a generative change.”

In our delightful conversation, Robert confesses, “I raised my children, with my wife, using Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) a lot and introducing the principles of generative change, so that they could be in the world with self-esteem and positive attitudes.” Also, “so that they could grow up with strategies that enable them to succeed on their own.” The co-developer of NLP is proud of his two children, what they bring to the world and his own job as a parent. His blue eyes become even brighter when he recalls “their sense of confidence, their positive look towards life, their self-abilities,” something that, at first, “they emulate from parents and then is supported by parents,” he concludes.

Parenting that combines NLP with generative coaching and creates generative change

“The person I am is best expressed in the world.”
Robert Dilts

This proposal “teach us how to communicate effectively, how we can empower others, especially children, so that they can be themselves, guiding them at the same time,” he reinforces.

NLP & Generative Parenting reveals you the most effective conscious practices let you really know yourself, to make you reach your essence and find out “where you belong in the family and in the world, how you can bring about and live that identity,” Robert Dilts adds. Thus, the “channel is open and the person I am is best expressed in the world.” “I cannot find anything more important for a parent or teacher than doing this with a child,” he assures.

And you, do you choose to join us in this generative shift to a better world?

You are very welcome!

O conteúdo NLP & Generative Parenting by Robert Dilts and Rita Aleluia aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

An ANLP Award does not fall from the sky

No one wins an NLP Award by a sleight of hand, or just for the sake of it, or for having a beautiful smile. This is a responsible award, whose attribution recognizes the conscious contribution, either individual or collective, within the field of NLP, with strict evaluation criteria.

When I was nominated, I shared with you the meaning (portuguese) it had for me. Now I can add a bit more. Awards and rewards are not what I believe should be in the dictionary of life. But I believe in recognition. And this award is exactly that. It recognizes that I, Rita Aleluia, am a NLP professional who is helping to create an inclusive world, through NLP & Generative Parenting, an alternative route to an urgent new paradigm in education.

What you will read now is the alignment between vision, mission, role and ambition

The work I slowly started developing in 2011 has a huge positive impact on families and schools in many countries. This NLP Award is about human rights! It recognizes that we are all different and have equal value. That we grow from differences and inclusion is the way to go. It recognizes that our children may (re)situate us and direct us to the essential of our existence, to what is invisible to the eyes and decisive for the world to move forward. It recognizes that unconditional love is the cradle of humanity, that authenticity and congruence are godmothers. It recognizes that girls and boys, men and women are biologically different, but equal in emotions, desires, needs, opinions. That we are all part of something greater, that we are all one, that we are all responsible. That connection must be recognized, and the myth of perfection must let go. It also recognizes, for the first time, that Portugal has something to say worldwide and to contribute to Neuro-Linguistic Programing. 

I keep creating NLP & Generative Parenting with vision, lots of live, presence, sense of mission and I do it in community. A creation that has gone through an incredible improvement in quality over the last three months, as a result of many adjustments, research and experience on the ground. As a result of falling and rising again. Of a lot of resilience. Of embracing fear and evoking courage. Of trusting and moving forward, even when the world says, “you are crazy”. Of bringing peace to the hurricane woman that is hidden within me. Of letting shine the light that is unique. Everything that is done with the heart is aligned from the inside out, from heaven to Earth, from you to your next. This is the only equation I know and that I want to see happen in the work, the equation of love. Therefore, yes, the 2019 NLP Award in Education is mine and I deserve it.

Thank you to my daughters, my guru girls, who teach me what it is to love unconditionally; to my husband and partner, my accomplice for all times; to my parents, mentors, to you, who trust in this work, who accept to do different and create a better world. Without your trust and faith, none of this would be possible. Thanks to José Figueira with whom I started walking the path of NLP, to NLP U, where I learned about a systemic and generative NLP, to Robert and to Stephen for their contribution with Generative Coaching. Thanks to ANLP for having the courage to recognize merit to professionals from all over the world and to contribute a lot to honoring this noble profession. Thanks to life for allowing me to live my dreams and to be an example. Trust that everything is always right, everything is always well.

With love and gratitude,

Rita

O conteúdo Rita Aleluia recognized with the NLP Award for her contribution in Education aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

Having said that, you can now anticipate that NLP and Education is the cradle for everthing in life! So powerful!

What is the difference that makes the difference when we compare NLP and Education with other approaches?

I would like to have a linear response, but, as in everything in this Life, such a response does not exist. Even because I do not know (in fact, nobody does) the infinite educational approaches that exist in the world. There are families, organizations, schools, universities… that find in the practice of NLP and Education the ‘formulas’ to create the conditions to achieve success (in the various meanings you may choose to give it), with ecology, ethics and tranquility, in what they intend to do. And there is not a single formula, every family draws its own strategy – that is the great beauty of NLP.

For it to really operate, the generative change in the World.

Then, as we have discussed before, NLP and Education offers you tools that, if you do not transform into practices, will not serve you or those around you. That is why I apply them in conjunction with Generative Coaching. So that it can really bring about the generative change in the World.

I always say that NLP and Education is a way of Living! Ah, and it is not about being perfect, but rather about being conscious and authentic. If you have already read my book “Mães do Mundo” (Mothers of the World), it is not something new.

Among the many models we use, I like to highlight the power of intentions that emerge after we explore, to the fullest extent, the Neurological Levels, as well as the amazing Communication Model, which enables us to communicate with authenticity and congruence, with ourselves and with others, and the power of Language. The Anchors, the Perceptive Positions, which also allow you to put yourself in the place of others, becoming aware of the diversity of Maps of the World, discovering and activating resources… What about the wonderful rapport?! If we start from the assumptions of NLP, we will find the basis. For example, you are not your behaviour, and it is always the best you can have at that time, it is what it is and everything is always well. And more, much more! Yes, it is magic!

One of the persons who most inspires my mission is Maria Montessori and in the practices of NLP and Education, in NLP & Generative Parenting, I find space for this to happen naturally:

“Help me to grow, but help me do it myself”.
Maria Montessori

NLP and Education is about pouring the cup and creating space so that something never experienced before can emerge. Come along, it is time, it is ‘tea time’.

O conteúdo NLP and Education aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

«Where there is fear, that it turns into courage; where there is doubt, let me bring faith.»

At IAGC and Conscious Systems, we know that we are a system, that is we change, transform and create new thoughts and behaviors in a certain context, that will necessarily be reflected in a better World, in a generative World, in a World where everyone counts.

IAGC is the culmination of a whole lifetime of work by Robert Dilts and Stephen Gilligan – in the field of personal development, especially based on NLP and psychology. IAGC is an international organization (of which I am blessed and proud to be a member), spread across the five continents, which supports professionals in the field of Generative Coaching, Consultancy, Therapy and Trance who undertake specific actions to create a better World, a generative World.

But what is a better World, a generative World?

A better World, a generative World is one that creates something new, unheard of, never seen before, with a very clear positive intention. It is what I like to call, and I believe it is, the World of Good!

To this end, it combines creativity with the most meaningful things we want to bring to our lives. This is what we work with Conscious Systems:

• How to develop an extraordinary relationship with myself?
• How to build structuring personal and cultural relationships?
• How to create successful systems (families, companies, organizations)?
• How to welcome obstacles, by integrating and transcending them?

And how do we build this Generative, Better World?

IAGC applies the values of Generative Coaching, Consulting, Therapy, Certified Training and Trance to lift lives, communities and organizations to the highest level. Through the conversation between multiple intelligences – verbal and visual, individual and collective, somatic and intellectual, unconscious and conscious – it is possible to build new realities, performances at an unbeatable level, new routes and, consequently, a better World, a generative World.

When I am asked to describe the work of Conscious Systems up to five words… it is simple:

«Transforming dreams into reality».

Now, at Conscious Systems, we have chosen to work through Generative Coaching, Consulting and Training.

In addition to creating and generating a new reality, we develop the practices, based on love, that allow us to keep these states and take them with us wherever we are. Something that I love and practice, in particular, is:

«Make every day of my life a better day, filled with acceptance, inclusion, love and gratitude.»

I believe that creating a better World, a generative World, the World of Good can be translated into this divine poem of our great poet António Gedeão:

«(…) They don’t know that dreams
are canvas, and color, a brush,
base, column, capital,
lancet arch, stained glass,
cathedral pinnacle,
counterpoint, symphony
a Greek mask, and magic
the alchemist’s retort,
map of the distant world,
a compass, the Infant
sixteenth century caravel,
they’re Cape of Good Will,
gold, cinnamon, ivory,
swordsman’s foil,
theatre wings, dancing step,
Columbine and Harlequin,
the flying passarola,
lightning rod, locomotive,
a ship of festive prow,
blast-furnace, generator,
atom’s fusion, radar,
ultrasound, television,
rocket landing
on the surface of the moon.

They neither know, nor dream,
that dreams command life.
That whenever a man dreams
the world bounces, advances,
as if it were a colored ball
held by the hands of a child.»

The work carried out by IAGC and Conscious Systems allows you to bring this dream into conscience and to make it real.

By the way, how are you living your dreams?

O conteúdo IAGC and Conscious Systems for a better World, for a generative World aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

I have learned to take steps the size of my legs, small steps and long steps. To fly in the trapeze of doubt, to parade on the tightrope, to jump without a parachute, to fall without a safety net, being certain that I am and we are part of something much bigger, something that cannot be seen with our eyes.

I have learned to listen instead of hearing, to watch instead of seeing. To enlarge my map and paint white spaces on it. To linger in the hugs and laughter of my loved ones and of humankind. To go back countlessly to the places where I am happy, inside or outside me, either alone or with my loved ones.

I have learned the flexibility of feeling in my body the words, the thoughts, and the power of transforming them into gestures, of sculpt them into cells. Now I know that the home of my essence is where my truth lies, and that is the voice of my heart.

I have learned to understand by feeling and to welcome the uncertainty that embraces certainty. Today I know that darkness defines the light, that they belong together and complete each other. That in every existence lies its opposite. I have learned to build the bridge, to make the balance and that the name for it is: life.

I have learned to be present in my vulnerability, to accept what is really uncomfortable and that it is alright, everything is always right. This is called courage instead of weakness.

I have learned to give myself without sacrificing myself. To be without losing myself in the other. To belong to myself for what I truly am and to always be thankful. Less is more, one plus one is three.

I have learned this and many, many more… And from this place, here and now, I am so, but so curious (and humanly afraid) with the generative immensity of what is yet to come.

O conteúdo I have learned to unlearn, and life has arisen aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

The mother-child or father-child relationship is the most important relationship of your whole existence! Accept consciously this invitation and open your heart, watch as your child flies.

10 Questions for you to reflect on:

1. Do you really want your child to be a ‘mini-version’ of you?
Just because you brought him/her to life or you conceive him/her, it does not mean that he/she belongs to you. He/she has his/her own essence, soul and mission on this Planet, totally different from yours. Just like you, your child is a unique BEING that deserves to exist just as he/she is! Accepting your child is the first step for your connection.

2. What would happen if you let go the need to have your child asking for your approval constantly?
Set aside the need for control and trust your child, and above all trust yourself. This is perhaps your biggest challenge.

3. Do you really need him/her to be graded by a teacher as “excellent” to feel proud of him/her and share it on social networks?
He/she just needs to feel that you love him/her and accept him/her unconditionally, just as he/she is, in his/her authenticity, without any judgement!

4. Do you really believe that, by wishing to protect him/her from pain, you are supporting him/her?
This need arises only from your anxiety, from your fears. Learn to experience and welcome every emotion you feel, and only then you are able to be the example they need to learn how to deal with pain and the natural imperfection of the world.

5. Does it hurt when someone from outside rejects you?
It is normal, and it will happen throughout your life. We cannot please everyone, and this is a sign of consistency with our values. The only rejection you can avoid is yours in relation to your child. If you feel it, it is deeply toxic and it means that you are rejecting yourself, a feeling that can dictate your end.

6. A social belief (conveniently) installed mumbles that “you are not a good enough mother”. Do you choose to keep feeding it?
It is time for you to stop. You always do the best you can and you know at each moment. Keep working on your best version.

7. Your child does not have the latest model of gaming console, mobile phone, surfboard…?
Great! Congratulations! He/she just needs your time, active listening, presence and attention. “Luxuries” (those that money buys) are secondary. Start listening to yourself, and then you are ready to listen to your child.

8. What if you stop saying that you have to change your whole life because of your child?
You just have to change the present moment! Just that! It is when you live! Besides that, it has never to do with your child, it has always to do your yourself, with the resources you have at each moment to deal with what life offers you.

9. Who sets the limits applied in the daily life of your family?
Were they created by all the elements of the household or are they rules imposed on you? Are they rules you grew up with? Do they make sense to you?

Because if they do not make any sense to you, your child will easily feel it and will naturally challenge you. It is an invitation to introspection and to review your intentions.

10. Do you feel the ‘Holon’ part of the great ‘Holon’?
We are all part of something greater and transcendent, the ‘Holon’.
I leave you a mantra so that you always remember this:

“You are the whole!
You are complete!
You are worthy!
When I see this in you, I see the same in me.”

Any kind of interaction you have with your child reflects your relationship with yourself. Your outer life is the reflection of your inner belief system and every event of your life is a call to the next step, for you to work on yourself, on your authenticity. And do you know something? Everything is always right, everything is always well.

O conteúdo Ten questions that can change your life aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give away all I have for the poor, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. (…)

Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. (…)

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

Much of this biblical passagem – St. Paul to the Corinthians – makes a lot of sense to me, so much so that it was one of the readings I chose for my wedding. The proposal is only one: love. I believe it is the beginning, the middle and the end.

I have received very positive feedback from mothers, some fathers and teachers who came to my sessions, read my book “Mães do Mundo” (“Mothers of the World”) or attended “Mom’s Rules” and I feel, for this very reason, that I should speak to you again of unconditional love.

This is, for me, and increasingly proven by families and educators, the solution that works in all occasions. Indeed, it is a daring solution, which requires courage. But it is also the straightforward, hassle-free solution. First, it works with you, for you, when you love yourself unconditionally. Then, it works with your neighbor.

When you choose love from among countless possibilities, you are putting aside what hurts you, such as anger, inflexibility, punishment, judgements…

When you interact from this place that exists within you, you are accessing healthy emotional states, thus acting through behaviors that are an example, making a difference in this world.

You are recognizing yourself, accepting yourself, saying yes to your needs, recognizing the other, accepting him/her and meeting their needs. Do you want a better filter than this?!

With the filter of unconditional love there is sharing. It is a permanent giving and receiving, without any mandatory order. You do not have to give first to harvest later. There is no first or second. There is only love. You have to solve challenges from positive emotional states, respecting your space and your limits. There is an equal value and you always, but always deserve love.

What happens then?

An unblocking! Everything gets transformed! There is empathy, vulnerability, connection, compassion…

Behavior begets behavior, therefore love begets love.

How wonderful it is that your son knows and feels, by your example, that regardless of whether he eats the whole soup or not, you love him with no conditions!

How magical it is that your partner knows and feels, by your example, that despite having forgotten your special date, you are the person of his/her life!

How smooth it is that you know and feel that, even if you have not fulfilled everything that was proposed in the work meeting for this week, your boss is still proud to have you in the team!

There are no conditions, there is only love, which is the beginning, the middle and the end. Set your heart thereon, ground your intentions therein, raise your questions therein and open yourself to affections, with truth, faith and hope. See what happens.

O conteúdo The beginning, the middle and the end aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

Fear is one of the basic emotions of the human BEING, and that is good. Fear is also essential to our survival and preservation. The delicate issue is when fear cripples us. Our brain is designed to protect us from all that wants to remove us from our comfort zone, from what we are accustomed to have and take for granted. When we decide to move forward, alarms trigger in our brain and fear comes to our “rescue” accompanied by the positive intention of protecting us from the unknown. Just that.

So, is fear just that?

As Rumi, the great sophist, has revealed us, fear is only the non-acceptance of uncertainty. If we accept uncertainty, it becomes an adventure. Have you ever thought about the amount of things you have lost in this life just because you were afraid of losing?

And what to do when fear comes?

Welcome fear! It is also a part of you! Feel in your body where it manifests itself. Make room (in yourself) so that it feels welcomed and that everything is well. If you try to ignore it or get rid of it, it will grow and catch you sooner or later, with a much greater intensity. The choice is yours, as always – the more conscious you are, the more balance you attract to your life. Milton Erickson said – and I believe from experience that he was right: the antidote is in the poison!

A great advice I once heard, given to a young man: “Always do what you are afraid to do”.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Another good news is that, physically, the sensation that fear causes in you is exactly the same as the physical sensation of excitement! Therefore, there being no physical differences in the way both emotions get revealed – your heart speeds up, you can start breathing, your stomach contracts… – you just need to send your brain the message that everything is ok. Your body, in that same state, is physically prepared to act! You create and control your thoughts and they build your life. Use that powerful force as a lever and move forward! Remember, you can only see the path when you start walking.

As simple as this:

When you feel fear, close your eyes, take a deep breath and tell your brain that you are extremely excited! Do this as many times as needed and observe the transformation.

I believe we need to feel the chaos in our soul to give birth to the dance of life. So, leave your shyness aside, dive into the chaos and shadows of fear. Thank it! Welcome it! Dance with it! Live it! This is the only way to build the bridge and transform it in harmony and peace! Perhaps you will remember this conversations…

Oh, if it were not for fear, which leads me to focus on what I really need, today I would never know that everything is always well.

O conteúdo Oh, if it were not for fear… aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.