Traditional forms of educations have failed. Now, we need to make a serious, conscious and in-depth reflection on what our intentions as parents and educators are, and what resources we really want to use to reach the answers that will enable us to create a harmonious, responsible and sustainable future for the humanity.

Parenting that starts with NLP and progresses to NLP & Generative

When I launched this new parenting proposal, I lovingly called it Parenting with NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). When I completed my certification as NLP Trainer and Consultant, and later in Generative Coaching, I felt that, just like me, this parenting went one level up, and should therefore be renamed – NLP & Generative Parenting. As Robert Dilts tells us, the generative part of this work arises from creativity, from creating something totally new, something that did not exist before.

“I raised my children, with my wife, using Neuro-Linguistic Programming (PNL) a lot”
Robert Dilts

The co-creator of Generative Work – Generative Coaching and Generative Consulting – recalls that: “the generative part in parenting, in families, is extraordinarily decisive. When we try to get somewhere that is unknown, even if other parents have gone through something similar, we create a unique new path that requires very specific tools and practices.” Robert Dilts assures that “this is, most likely, the most important field for introducing a generative change.”

In our delightful conversation, Robert confesses, “I raised my children, with my wife, using Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) a lot and introducing the principles of generative change, so that they could be in the world with self-esteem and positive attitudes.” Also, “so that they could grow up with strategies that enable them to succeed on their own.” The co-developer of NLP is proud of his two children, what they bring to the world and his own job as a parent. His blue eyes become even brighter when he recalls “their sense of confidence, their positive look towards life, their self-abilities,” something that, at first, “they emulate from parents and then is supported by parents,” he concludes.

Parenting that combines NLP with generative coaching and creates generative change

“The person I am is best expressed in the world.”
Robert Dilts

This proposal “teach us how to communicate effectively, how we can empower others, especially children, so that they can be themselves, guiding them at the same time,” he reinforces.

NLP & Generative Parenting reveals you the most effective conscious practices let you really know yourself, to make you reach your essence and find out “where you belong in the family and in the world, how you can bring about and live that identity,” Robert Dilts adds. Thus, the “channel is open and the person I am is best expressed in the world.” “I cannot find anything more important for a parent or teacher than doing this with a child,” he assures.

And you, do you choose to join us in this generative shift to a better world?

You are very welcome!

O conteúdo NLP & Generative Parenting by Robert Dilts and Rita Aleluia aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

I am not talking about charity, which through the eyes of my map of the world, implies that there is a stronger one helping a weaker one, excluding the possibility of growing together. I am telling you about kindness, generosity, inclusion, where everyone has equal value and dignity (values also shared by NLP & Generative Parenting) and, jointly, through collective intelligence (an equation where 1+1= 3…), everyone grows, with quality, creating in the world something never seen. For this to happen, social responsibility has a unique place here.

As a human being, as we are all, I want the one who is at a disadvantage (usually competitive and often temporary), for whatever reason, to bring to this stage what s/he is here to do. That is, may manifest his/her unique gift with dignity.

The ballerina and choreographer who revolutionized modern dance, Martha Graham, an incredible generative being, leaves us in her shining legacy the certainty that:

“There is a vitality, a vital force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it.”

Eleven years ago, when I was still a journalist and I had become a mother only a few months before, I was gifted by Life with the huge privilege of meeting Henrique Amoedo. One of the most generative people I have ever met! Henrique, who spent so many years on the stage of high finance in São Paulo, decided to listen to his heart and body, allowed his essence to reveal itself and left from Brazil to Portugal, to the small Madeira Island. He gathered an amazing team, rowed (and still does) over and over in rough seas, transforming the force of the wind and tides in favour of inclusion. For 17 years, this wonderful Man has shown every day that everyone has something to contribute, everyone is valid and brilliant, not for their technique, but for passion, revealing that the body expresses what words cannot tell…

Henrique is the father of the group Dançando com a Diferença [Dancing with the Difference]. The day I met him, I let myself be touched. Two days later, I took my baby daughter to a rehearsal of that group. I felt in her a different vibration, so beautiful, a kind of amplified love, and I, far, very far from knowing that I was holding in my arms a daughter who eleven years later would have the blessing and joy of being one of the dancers of this inclusive group. I cannot find any word to describe the work they offer us, the incredible way they recognize each being, with no labels… I invite you to see it you’re your eyes and feel with your soul, your body, who they are. If you are in Lisbon, you now have the opportunity?.

The group Dançando com a Diferença, works with prestigious, world-known choreographers, reflecting the pure essence of dance, in all its splendor of unconditional love, selling out all venues where they perform, in Portugal, Brazil, Spain, Switzerland, United States…

The similarities attract us, but differences and diversity make us grow!

By assuming social responsibility, we are opening the channel, being the difference that makes the difference, welcoming, integrating and transcending, turning on the lights, so that the unique expressions that will definitely leverage the world may come into play on the safe of Life!

How do you choose to practice your social responsibility?

THANK YOU, Henrique, Telmo, Natércia and Nuno. I am really thankful to you!

P.S. – You can find the dance company also on their YouTube Channel, in Facebook, on IG.

O conteúdo To Be Generative is to assume social responsibility by acting collectively aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

It is that mantra that I chant with my eyes closed, my hands placed where I feel discomfort in my body. If you start to notice, it can appear in your gut (enteric brain), or maybe as a tightening in the heart (cardiac brain). The tendency, through traditional education and the day-to-day rush, through fear inflicted on your body, is that you develop an escape strategy, you want to get rid of these unstructured but intense thoughts, feelings, those obstacles. But life is meant to be lived and is always happening for you. Obstacles are communicating something to you, they have a positive intention, very positive indeed. They are communicating a need to you.

In the practice of Conscious Systems®, this mantra is a blessing, a breath of fresh air that invites you to slow down the fast pace, to connect with your true essence, in authenticity and congruence, transforming obstacles into resources.

I invite you to try:

• It is interesting!
• I am sure that it makes sense!
• There is something here that wants to be revealed, wants to be welcomed, healed…
• Welcome!

Always keep in mind the power of choice! Your freedom to choose, at each moment, as many times as necessary, what you want and what you do not want. To choose consciously, with your three brains aligned with you, with your values, with your beliefs.

When I choose to chant the mantra of Conscious Systems®, I am choosing the serenity that only peace offers me, I am welcoming the certainty that everything is always right, everything is always well.

It helps me a lot to bear in mind the “cry of freedom” of Conscious Systems®:

Welcome, integrate and transcend!

O conteúdo Obstacles on the way? Chant the mantra of SFM that was adopted by Conscious Systems aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

I have learned to take steps the size of my legs, small steps and long steps. To fly in the trapeze of doubt, to parade on the tightrope, to jump without a parachute, to fall without a safety net, being certain that I am and we are part of something much bigger, something that cannot be seen with our eyes.

I have learned to listen instead of hearing, to watch instead of seeing. To enlarge my map and paint white spaces on it. To linger in the hugs and laughter of my loved ones and of humankind. To go back countlessly to the places where I am happy, inside or outside me, either alone or with my loved ones.

I have learned the flexibility of feeling in my body the words, the thoughts, and the power of transforming them into gestures, of sculpt them into cells. Now I know that the home of my essence is where my truth lies, and that is the voice of my heart.

I have learned to understand by feeling and to welcome the uncertainty that embraces certainty. Today I know that darkness defines the light, that they belong together and complete each other. That in every existence lies its opposite. I have learned to build the bridge, to make the balance and that the name for it is: life.

I have learned to be present in my vulnerability, to accept what is really uncomfortable and that it is alright, everything is always right. This is called courage instead of weakness.

I have learned to give myself without sacrificing myself. To be without losing myself in the other. To belong to myself for what I truly am and to always be thankful. Less is more, one plus one is three.

I have learned this and many, many more… And from this place, here and now, I am so, but so curious (and humanly afraid) with the generative immensity of what is yet to come.

O conteúdo I have learned to unlearn, and life has arisen aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

gra·ti·tu-de
(from the Latin gratitudo, -inis)
noun
1. Feeling of remembrance and thankfulness for something received, in relation to the giver. = RECOGNITION
2. Quality of what is grateful.
“gratidão”, in Priberam Dictionary of the Portuguese Language (https://www.priberam.pt/dlpo/)

Being the first role model for your child, you can choose to encourage him/her in this habit so healthy and essential to life. The more gratitude you practice, the more your child will engrave it on himself/herself and be an example for those around him/her.

«Gratitude generates gratitude»

1. Thanking

The socially correct “thank you” is not an exercise of gratitude. Show your child how he/she can really thank someone from the heart, with a true sense of gratitude, with authenticity. When someone cooks for you, instead of simply saying: “Thank you”, you can express yourself like this: “I wholeheartedly thank you for your precious help. Today I came home exhausted and this gesture of yours made me feel loved, it is so good, I feel much better now.” Or you can make it simple and just say: “Thank you for cooking for me, I feel so special.”

2. Appreciating

Depending on the age of your child, you can present this proposal as a daily game. Share among you (in the family) an example of something you are thankful for on that day. You can do it when you leave school, on the way home or before bedtime, for instance.

3. Volunteering

We live in society, we are the society. Encourage your child to share toys, books, clothes, shoes… with those who least have. Or you can give wings to the imagination and together put your culinary skills into practice, cook a meal or bake a cake and take it to that neighbor who lives alone, without any family. Put your creativity at full steam and practice empathy.

«Gratitude transforms»

4. The list of gratitude

Ask your child to make a list of things/events in the year now ending for which he/she is grateful. If he/she still cannot write, help he/she with this task or you can draw together…

5. Attention to marketing

When your child (and it is the same with you) is too exposed to advertising, he/she starts developing the desire to possess material goods and loses the notion of what he/she already has, as well as the notion of gratitude for what he/has received (and so many times accumulates in the bedroom). Is this familiar to you or not? You just have to consciously manage the marketing campaigns he/she has access to.
What are you grateful for, here and now?

O conteúdo Be the example of gratitude in five steps aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

The mother-child or father-child relationship is the most important relationship of your whole existence! Accept consciously this invitation and open your heart, watch as your child flies.

10 Questions for you to reflect on:

1. Do you really want your child to be a ‘mini-version’ of you?
Just because you brought him/her to life or you conceive him/her, it does not mean that he/she belongs to you. He/she has his/her own essence, soul and mission on this Planet, totally different from yours. Just like you, your child is a unique BEING that deserves to exist just as he/she is! Accepting your child is the first step for your connection.

2. What would happen if you let go the need to have your child asking for your approval constantly?
Set aside the need for control and trust your child, and above all trust yourself. This is perhaps your biggest challenge.

3. Do you really need him/her to be graded by a teacher as “excellent” to feel proud of him/her and share it on social networks?
He/she just needs to feel that you love him/her and accept him/her unconditionally, just as he/she is, in his/her authenticity, without any judgement!

4. Do you really believe that, by wishing to protect him/her from pain, you are supporting him/her?
This need arises only from your anxiety, from your fears. Learn to experience and welcome every emotion you feel, and only then you are able to be the example they need to learn how to deal with pain and the natural imperfection of the world.

5. Does it hurt when someone from outside rejects you?
It is normal, and it will happen throughout your life. We cannot please everyone, and this is a sign of consistency with our values. The only rejection you can avoid is yours in relation to your child. If you feel it, it is deeply toxic and it means that you are rejecting yourself, a feeling that can dictate your end.

6. A social belief (conveniently) installed mumbles that “you are not a good enough mother”. Do you choose to keep feeding it?
It is time for you to stop. You always do the best you can and you know at each moment. Keep working on your best version.

7. Your child does not have the latest model of gaming console, mobile phone, surfboard…?
Great! Congratulations! He/she just needs your time, active listening, presence and attention. “Luxuries” (those that money buys) are secondary. Start listening to yourself, and then you are ready to listen to your child.

8. What if you stop saying that you have to change your whole life because of your child?
You just have to change the present moment! Just that! It is when you live! Besides that, it has never to do with your child, it has always to do your yourself, with the resources you have at each moment to deal with what life offers you.

9. Who sets the limits applied in the daily life of your family?
Were they created by all the elements of the household or are they rules imposed on you? Are they rules you grew up with? Do they make sense to you?

Because if they do not make any sense to you, your child will easily feel it and will naturally challenge you. It is an invitation to introspection and to review your intentions.

10. Do you feel the ‘Holon’ part of the great ‘Holon’?
We are all part of something greater and transcendent, the ‘Holon’.
I leave you a mantra so that you always remember this:

“You are the whole!
You are complete!
You are worthy!
When I see this in you, I see the same in me.”

Any kind of interaction you have with your child reflects your relationship with yourself. Your outer life is the reflection of your inner belief system and every event of your life is a call to the next step, for you to work on yourself, on your authenticity. And do you know something? Everything is always right, everything is always well.

O conteúdo Ten questions that can change your life aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give away all I have for the poor, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. (…)

Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. (…)

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

Much of this biblical passagem – St. Paul to the Corinthians – makes a lot of sense to me, so much so that it was one of the readings I chose for my wedding. The proposal is only one: love. I believe it is the beginning, the middle and the end.

I have received very positive feedback from mothers, some fathers and teachers who came to my sessions, read my book “Mães do Mundo” (“Mothers of the World”) or attended “Mom’s Rules” and I feel, for this very reason, that I should speak to you again of unconditional love.

This is, for me, and increasingly proven by families and educators, the solution that works in all occasions. Indeed, it is a daring solution, which requires courage. But it is also the straightforward, hassle-free solution. First, it works with you, for you, when you love yourself unconditionally. Then, it works with your neighbor.

When you choose love from among countless possibilities, you are putting aside what hurts you, such as anger, inflexibility, punishment, judgements…

When you interact from this place that exists within you, you are accessing healthy emotional states, thus acting through behaviors that are an example, making a difference in this world.

You are recognizing yourself, accepting yourself, saying yes to your needs, recognizing the other, accepting him/her and meeting their needs. Do you want a better filter than this?!

With the filter of unconditional love there is sharing. It is a permanent giving and receiving, without any mandatory order. You do not have to give first to harvest later. There is no first or second. There is only love. You have to solve challenges from positive emotional states, respecting your space and your limits. There is an equal value and you always, but always deserve love.

What happens then?

An unblocking! Everything gets transformed! There is empathy, vulnerability, connection, compassion…

Behavior begets behavior, therefore love begets love.

How wonderful it is that your son knows and feels, by your example, that regardless of whether he eats the whole soup or not, you love him with no conditions!

How magical it is that your partner knows and feels, by your example, that despite having forgotten your special date, you are the person of his/her life!

How smooth it is that you know and feel that, even if you have not fulfilled everything that was proposed in the work meeting for this week, your boss is still proud to have you in the team!

There are no conditions, there is only love, which is the beginning, the middle and the end. Set your heart thereon, ground your intentions therein, raise your questions therein and open yourself to affections, with truth, faith and hope. See what happens.

O conteúdo The beginning, the middle and the end aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

Fear is one of the basic emotions of the human BEING, and that is good. Fear is also essential to our survival and preservation. The delicate issue is when fear cripples us. Our brain is designed to protect us from all that wants to remove us from our comfort zone, from what we are accustomed to have and take for granted. When we decide to move forward, alarms trigger in our brain and fear comes to our “rescue” accompanied by the positive intention of protecting us from the unknown. Just that.

So, is fear just that?

As Rumi, the great sophist, has revealed us, fear is only the non-acceptance of uncertainty. If we accept uncertainty, it becomes an adventure. Have you ever thought about the amount of things you have lost in this life just because you were afraid of losing?

And what to do when fear comes?

Welcome fear! It is also a part of you! Feel in your body where it manifests itself. Make room (in yourself) so that it feels welcomed and that everything is well. If you try to ignore it or get rid of it, it will grow and catch you sooner or later, with a much greater intensity. The choice is yours, as always – the more conscious you are, the more balance you attract to your life. Milton Erickson said – and I believe from experience that he was right: the antidote is in the poison!

A great advice I once heard, given to a young man: “Always do what you are afraid to do”.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Another good news is that, physically, the sensation that fear causes in you is exactly the same as the physical sensation of excitement! Therefore, there being no physical differences in the way both emotions get revealed – your heart speeds up, you can start breathing, your stomach contracts… – you just need to send your brain the message that everything is ok. Your body, in that same state, is physically prepared to act! You create and control your thoughts and they build your life. Use that powerful force as a lever and move forward! Remember, you can only see the path when you start walking.

As simple as this:

When you feel fear, close your eyes, take a deep breath and tell your brain that you are extremely excited! Do this as many times as needed and observe the transformation.

I believe we need to feel the chaos in our soul to give birth to the dance of life. So, leave your shyness aside, dive into the chaos and shadows of fear. Thank it! Welcome it! Dance with it! Live it! This is the only way to build the bridge and transform it in harmony and peace! Perhaps you will remember this conversations…

Oh, if it were not for fear, which leads me to focus on what I really need, today I would never know that everything is always well.

O conteúdo Oh, if it were not for fear… aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.