Today we talk about happiness in the family.

«We often see that children have a responsibility from young age and are asked to contribute. They are raised to be aware of their responsibility to contribute to society and to take care of others.»

Which difference makes a difference in Danish families?
For Danish families it is common that both parents are working and very common that all children are in childcare. Often public childcare. It is also common to live together as a family, and have siblings and grandparents living further away, spread over the country. Raising children in Denmark is about making them independent and help them grow into responsible adults. We often see that children have a responsibility from young age and are asked to contribute. They are raised to be aware of their responsibility to contribute to society and to take care of others.

Is there any “formula” in the Danish collective unconscious for families to live in harmony?
Many families want to live in harmony. But in Denmark the divorce rate is also very high. So I also think that many Danes want to always be able to pursue what they find best. And sometimes that does not mean keeping the family together. Danes focus on their freedom as an important value as well.

«In Denmark we have a culture where children are taught to understand a message and to take responsibility, rather than being physically punished.»

In many European countries, shouting, spanking and punishment inflicted on children are still socially accepted and defended. What do you think about these practices?
In Denmark it is forbidden by law to hit or hurt children in any way. And in Denmark we have a culture where children are taught to understand a message and to take responsibility, rather than being physically punished.

How do you believe that can we educate for happiness?
We can be aware of our own happiness first. We are responsible for our own happiness – and we are responsible for the happiness of people around us. And then we can educate by informing people about what creates happiness. That means, for example, that social relations and a good health are more important than a raise in income. At the Institute we try to educate and inform people. And we hope to reach many people every year and to make them work on creating happiness as well.

«We are responsible for our own happiness – and we are responsible for the happiness of people around us.»

How can we free a mother from the burden of a family?
We find that mothers are often happy in their families, but we can also see that there is something called “parental gap”, where parents will experience a decrease in happiness, when they have children, but then an increase when they have grandchildren. We find that this is due to more worries arising when we have children. This can be prevented with good family policies, as in countries like Denmark, Sweden and the Netherlands. Here the gap is smaller because parents will not have to worry with schools or hospitals for their children. And there will be good childcare and many ways to be a family, which will make it easier to find the form that fits each individual family.

Kindness, trust, empathy, equal value… these are the key to a happy family?
Yes, we find that good and strong social ties are important. And the values you mention are positive to creating strong social ties. As well as freedom to make our own life choices.

What still needs to be done to have a world where families live in harmony, and where equal value and responsibility prevail?
We think that good family policies and a political awareness to take care of the needs of families and children are important to achieve this goal.

O conteúdo The secret of the happiest families on Earth aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

Just another detail: stop competing to be the best mother in the world, that’s a myth and drains your energy!

You already know that besides investigating, I also practice Parenting with NLP. It’s a Parenting that lives of consciousness, of expansion, of connection, of equal value, equal dignity and of freedom with responsability. Today, I share with you eight practices for you to settle what mother are you, after all?!

Your vision will be clear when you will be able to look into your heart. Who looks to the outsider dreams. Who looks to the inside, awakes.
Carl Jung

Ready?

1. Inspiration

Move accordingly with your intentions and values. They’re your lanterns. Act accordingly to what makes sense to you and what you believe, genuinely. The path is from the soul to the heart and from there to the brain!

2. Responsability

In 90% of my coaching appointments with NLP I hear: “Rita, but there are no limits, no rules?”. Yes, there are. And they exist not only from you, but also from your child’s part.

Act with responsibility, with the transforming energy of “yes”, of presence. And next time you answer “no” to your child, ask yourself: “Am I saying no because it’s easier to me? Because it allows me to be in control and not be bother? What is my inner motivation? That no fit my ego or my child?”.

3. Breathe deeply

When you scream once (or many times) you’re releasing anger (there’s something haunting you’re inner child). Do you really believe that anger allows you to connect with your child? You will only attract fear, distance and the destruction of the trust your child has on you.

Replace the screams with pauses and deep breaths! Slow down and remember that what at first sight may seem like a mistake, it’s only feedback!

4. Emotions

Are meant to be lived! The majority of the problems of this world are due to our inability to feel our emotions. They frighten us! What´s the reaction? Running from or fighting them! Allow yourself to experience your emotions, they are the alchemical fire and teach your child to do the same. When we learn to deal with unpleasant feelings, everything changes.

5. Honour yourself

If you’re not good with yourself, you’re not good with your child! Honour yourself! It is the most effective and transforming tool you have at your disposal as a woman and a mother. Invest in yourself, in your essence and in your basic needs. Otherwise, your child will grow up believing he shouldn´t take care of himself.

6. You’re enough

A lot of mothers carry an overwhelming guilt from believing that they can do so much more besides the Herculean effort they already do. Free yourself from that guilt! You can only do what you do, in each moment. And everything it’s fine!

7. Presence

It only means to be here and now, to your child. All of your being! Body, mind and soul. It means zero mobiles, zero Facebook, zero Instagram… Wherever you are, you really are with your child, enjoying the happiness of him being who he is, exactly as he is! Live one moment at a time.

8. No judgements

How many times a day you self-judge? And your child? Unconsciously and with the best of intentions you may be comparing him with other children, for example. This way he ends up being someone he isn’t. The judgement ashames him and disconnects him from himself and from you. Love him unconditionally, accepting him exactly as he is and pay attention to your language.

What mother are you, after all?

If you still have doubts, you can always take this test. Whatever is the answer, I know you ARE much more than that! And you know it too.

O conteúdo What mother are you, after all? aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.