I believe that perfection exists in every moment as it is. Even when it doesn’t feel so comfortable. And what I feel, from experience, assuming myself as part of a generative family is that holiday vacation are always perfect. They reveal so much of the edges that are still to be ironed out in our family system. After all, we are systems within other systems and we are free to choose which course of our boat, as we explore at Conscious Systems.

When we look at the smiling photos of the perfect holiday vacation, we get to see beyond them and feel the really live in that moment, frozen in the picture now. Just like in everyday life, we have moments of total connection that alternate with those of complete disconnection! Do you remember that everything in itself contains its opposite?! You only know what happiness is because you know unhappiness and vice versa, for example. In generative families, parents also make tantrums, not just children. I do, my husband does. Oops! The difference is that when this happens, we become aware in a click and access internal resources to resolve the issue. Sometimes it goes very well, sometimes not so much. This is called Life!

Tips from a Generative Family

Some time ago, I wrote an article filled with 11 practices for a family holiday vacation in harmony that I will soon share here. We always define the intention of our holidays vacation. In addition to the individual intention (we are four), we define a general intention, and it is so funny and challenging to do this exercise. Therefore, our family vacation begin even before packing. We define how much time, which destination, which accommodation, we investigate what activities exists (without programming any). If it involves long trips, we choose to divide by phases, which is what makes sense to us according to our needs, but I know families that do it directly and everything is fine. You already know that each family is a unique system, with unique specificities and that what works with one does not necessarily result in another. I can give you some examples that worked very well here. If we travel by car, we stop whenever necessary and refuse to be more than four hours on wheels. When we decided to meet Japan and South Korea we chose to fly direct from Lisbon to Dubai, rest two days and then embark towards Japan. From Yokohama we went on a cruise and met other wonderful Japanese cities. We picked up the green tea, met a 100-year-old grandmother who was teaching the tradition of the tea ceremony to children a little older than our littlest and of course, we joined them. Already when we travel to Indonesia, we take advantage of more affordable flights and revisit Istanbul, from there we continue to Malaysia, we stayed two days and the next stop was in Thailand, where we rested, visited very interesting temples, had an opportunity to commune with the monks and their meditative practices. We really learned a lot and only then did we fly to Indonesia (Bali). Yes, we invest time, patience, quality presence (which is not easy, but today we know how to be more and more present) what we save on the flights we apply for stays and compensates every second, every cent. We all came back infinitely richer.

Perfect holiday vacation reveal edges to file

We have now returned from a holiday vacation that showed me more than I wanted to see. It hurt, I confess. It hurt when I cried, when I threatened, when I blackmailed, when I imposed … Yes, I had moments like these. And it hurt to know that I know how to do differently, that all these behaviors reveal how much I still have to grow up to be the mother my daughters deserve. They have led me to reflect on my path and it makes so much sense. It was the perfect vacation to guide me on the right track.

In addition to incredible stories that I will share with you, new knowledge of generative, conscious family practices I bring with me the sure that it is even imperative to reduce the number of hours in front of the screen, the keyboard and increase the quality of my presence in me and in my family. So blessed perfect family holiday!

O conteúdo Perfect holiday vacation in a generative family aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

I will not spend any energy in trying to resist this call. The focus on the essentials of life has been cooking inside me. I believe that, just as we have the capacity to create our prisons, overshadowing the capacity to value the simple and authentic side of live, at the same time we have access to the key that frees us from that prison.

Quite some time ago, I grabbed this key and started practicing. If it is easy? Well… as with any change, it caused me some discomfort at first, because the frenzy in which we choose to be immersed may [quite often] hide an escape from the place where we could/should be. After slowing down and starting the process, as I walk down this path, I have been invaded by a growing feeling of lightness.

For example, we used to travel on all our older daughter’s school holidays and long weekends. We lived on the magical Madeira Island, her father worked part of the time abroad. These travels forced us to pack for the four of us – both hold baggage and hand luggage – to unveil new destinations, and more luggage with other clothes for the remaining days we were in Cascais. The time [too much] I invested searching for possible places to know, searching for flights, preferably in an airline that would allow us to earn miles in the frequent flyer programme, search for accommodation, travel insurances, the best way to reach destinations without major inconvenience to our routines, especially for our eldest daughter [due to the various issues related to her diagnosis of global developmental delay], thinking about clothes and shoes for all traveling backwards and forwards… Although part of that time was also time for growth, all in all, it exceeded the limits of what is acceptable in our scale of tolerance. In addition to the demands of my profession, which requires a lot of presence, between coaching sessions, consulting, training, presence on RTP M, texts for the blog and for magazines, conferences, the youngest daughter in unschooling, the eldest between school, dance and therapy sessions, the father, when he was in Portugal, needing to stay in our nest, in tranquillity [mission (im)possible in the profession he chose]… We all needed more retirement and to slow down. To live with presence, in every moment. We postponed the trip [already scheduled] to the only continent we have not visited and left the kangaroos for future plans. We asked ourselves:

“What is the true intention of each trip?”

We kept our basic intention to extend world maps, ours and our daughters’. To know other cultures, especially those that are very different from ours, to learn that we are attracted to what is similar and we grow with what is different… And we added something: to embrace a simpler life, with more presence. Also, because that is what our children expect of us, presence.

We continue to travel, but now much less often, here and now. Another decision was that, whenever possible, they all accompany me on work trips. It has been very rewarding and beautiful.

In addition to all this, we decided to dispose of many material goods, toys, clothes, sell our house. Yes, you read it well. We still have no idea where we are going to live, not even if we are going to stay in Portugal or if we leave again to live in another country [I confess I am very tempted]. We simply trust. We trust our intuition, listen to our heart, we believe that all is right, all is well. You know this is one of those assumptions of Neuro-Linguistic Programming that is a prayer for me.

The most important things in life cannot be bought

The professor of Positive Psychology at Harvard, Tal Ben Sha-har reminds us that the best things in life are not things. That by accumulating goods, medals, money, we are invited to plunge into chaos, into neurotic and unrealistic perfectionism. That it takes peace away from us, it unbalances us, it is reflected in health. Also from this assumption, so that you can bring lightness into your life, through the conscious practices of a Nordic way of life, I created the Hygge Life Retreat which is about to happen.

Slow Down

Slow down and life begins to flow differently. Today, we are able to be just the four of us for hours on end, to feel the energy of a single place, to absorb the information from nature, with all our senses active, to see beyond what our eyes can see. It is so powerful, so special. We can now carry with us much more. This slowing down is also one of the proposals I make in NLP & Generative Parenting. I tell you about it in my book “Mães do Mundo” [“Mothers of the Word”], in the nine transformation steps.

I leave you a few steps so that you can peacefully choose to embrace a simpler life, with more presence. A serene and light life.

How to embrace a simple life with presence

1. Define what is your intention [or intentions] for your life

Intentions are flashlights that keep us on the desired path. You do not have to know exactly what the final destination is, but you should know which way to go, which direction you want to take.

2. Find out what is really important to you

This choice allows you to focus on what is essential and to dispose of everything that is superfluous, it allows you to put aside everything that is creating burden and occupying space in your life. It allows you to embrace what really brings you peace.

3. Unstuff

I am speaking about material goods, food in excess [or other addictions] and people.

Have you ever thought that you probably do not need more space, you need fewer things? What if instead of having more things done, you have less things to do?

Gather all that brings you light, what makes you feel light, energetic, willing to wake up every morning and be the difference that makes the difference in our world. Surround yourself with those who make you feel good. And remember that everything contains within itself its opposite. When the shadow emerge in the light, you may try to chant this mantra so influential and observe how powerful it can be.

4. Let go

This includes welcoming, integrating and transcending feelings of guilt, compulsive and negative habits, heavy emotions. Allow yourself to let chaos go and make room for light.

5. Contribute to a more sustainable world

This means you can start eating organic food, eating less meat [if you still eat it], less sugar [my resolution for this year] and processed foods. You can buy products from fair trade, from local shops, cycle instead of using the car, walking and investing in hikes that make you closer to nature, use public transport [when they exist and work well], help reforestation, eliminate the consumption of products that imply the devastation of the Amazon and of tropical forests, that exploit slave labour or child labour…

Believe me, every gesture you take, no matter how small they may seem to you, has an implication in the whole. As Rumi told us, I am not a drop in the ocean, I am the whole ocean in a drop.

6. Invest in relationships

What would happen if you exchanged text messages, WhatsApp, Messenger for your actual presence?! If instead of sending a message, you were the messenger who knocked on the door of that loved person to deliver the message by hand? If you swapped emojis for real hugs? Less technology, more human presence. I invite you to try and then share it with me. I will be waiting!

“The best gift we can give others is the quality of our presence.”
Richard Moss

7. Practice gratitude and generosity

Focus on what you have and not on what you believe [so often in an absolutely illusory way] you should have. Less is more! It is in giving that we receive. Create rituals, build your gratitude diary or pot. Happiness rarely visits those who complain a lot and live in judgement. Embrace a cause, a volunteer action and go for it! Empathy generates empathy. Love generates love.

If at this point in your life you feel you do not have time to do what is important to you and to your family, then stop doing things that are not important. Change is built in stages and happens when you make the commitment. Being instead of having! That is the status quo I believe that makes sense.

O conteúdo Reasons to embrace a simple life with presence aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.

30 minutes away from Lisbon, in Aveiras de Cima (Portugal), this massive green space reveals tresors in the shape of intense experiences to the sound of a Warm:

“Welcome to the country”, given by the dearest Sandro and Sissi, the souls of this magical place. This charming couple is joined by their daughter, the lovely Carlota and Maria Papoila and Maria Violeta, 2 delightful gipsy caravans (where you can stay over)-

Decorated with welcoming colors, a double bed, a mattress or a crib, heater, radio and a bathroom with a shower! We…LOVE IT!

And a family visit to Parque Rural do Tambor it’s also a way to connect with each other and with nature. Is to experience the opportunity to practice the key postulates of parenting. Is to nourish yourself with such simple and happy days!

Is to rest under the shade of trees, to wake up with the bleat of Amélia and Amália, two sheep so affectionate that. Are the delight of the little ones, which seize every chance, in a vain attempt, to catch them.

And, after sunset, is time to take off the shoes and seat on the floor, in a teepee, in front of the bonfire that warms the nights and souls of those who gather their to share.

It’s a common space and it allows for new friendships to blossom between families that share stories and experiences while roasting marshmallows. But there’s more: cicadas, toads and fireflies, gather to the party!

What’s impossible to find when you decide to make a family visit to Parque Rural do Tambor?

A pool, WiFi password, TV, restaurant, shopping center.

Nature and the well-being of those who live here and come to visit, comes first and the curfew is at 10 p.m. The perfect moment to live in the “here and now” under an endless starry sky. The days are filled with walks, between swings, rural traditional games from around the world, milking cows, animal tour, sack race, picnics, pony and horse rides and much more, till where your imagination takes you.

The return to Lisbon was marked by memories of happy days and the certainty that we will go back. Is still any doubts if you should or not make a family visit to Parque Rural do Tambor?

P.S- and I haven’t mentioned that Sandro, takes you a lovely breakfast to the caravan, in a picnic basket, with bread baked in the Parque!

O conteúdo Family visit to Parque Rural do Tambor aparece primeiro em Rita Aleluia.